Hate my detestable sin but don't hate me.

The truth is... I used to live a life that was detestable. 

I used to live a life indulging my desires, rationalizing why what I was doing was ok and normal yet the more I read the Bible, God convicted me of my decisions...

But men fell into pornography addiction over the type of things I did. My pictures have been and are still being used for sexually immoral things. Children and women felt pressures about their body image because of the types of images that were photoshopped and taken of me and my own marriage was harmed in many ways because I was not respecting or loving my husband the way I should have been. 

The truth is there are still things in my life and heart that are detestable and God is working those things out in me... Creating in me a new heart. Sanctifying me through His word.  There's no denying that I have done some pretty detestable things that in no way brought glory and honor to God. 

There was a time when I thought I was doing good. When I saw nothing wrong with these acts and when I probably would have taken offense to anyone who told me that I was going against scripture with the way I lived my life. I probably would have felt they hated me or were jealous of me when in reality they would have just been speaking truth to me. 

I'm thankful that those around me for the most part did not hate me while I did these things even though they may have hated the sin. Even though I could have been harming their marriage or aiding in their temptations. I'm thankful that they still loved me but I do wish more people would call it for what it is. SIN. Sexual Immorality. Impure. Ungodly. The things I was doing were all of these things and more.

I remember vividly when my pastor said what will you do when the word of God crosses over with your lifestyle or earthly desires? Will you conform to His word and obey Him with what He commands or will you dismiss what the bible even says and go on justifying the things you are doing? Justifying can seem to be the easy road but in the long run is much more harmful. If you continue to live according to your own will, rather than Gods you can see where your love truly lies. In yourself. You must love the thing you are doing more than you love pleasing God and living by His word and commandments.

Our ego wants to defend itself all the time.... If you are defensive about it it will get in the way of your growth.

 I'm so thankful God changed my heart in this and convicted me in the way I needed to be convicted. I'm thankful he showed me in His love that I was being detestable and that I deserved his justifiable wrath but that He loved me enough to save me from my sins through His son. That I could repent and change my life and strive to live according to His word with His grace and help. I'm worse than I've ever imagined myself to believe and i'm more accepted in Christ than i could ever possibly be.

I am no different than you regardless of your past or your sins or struggles. Our sins are all deserving of wrath and we are hopeless and dead to them without Jesus coming in and taking our place and dying on the cross for us. We can find hope in Him. I don't hate people for their sins. But I do hate sin. Especially in my own life and I need to surrender to God daily and am in constant need of his saving grace. I will be honest and say that I do struggle with wanting to hate people for doing detestable sexual things to children. That is a struggle of mine. But I am learning to hate the sin and not the sinner. Because I know that Christ has excuses the inexcusable in me and can do the same for others. 

His Word revealed truth and set me free from my prior harmful thinking and way of life...It's the power of His word that transforms our thinking to be Godly.